42. Possible Pasts (Myshkin, 2020) · free verse

I didn’t have enough time with them By my own choice Though not a full, free choice. More like predicament play: The American Dream, Or home and family? Pick one. The greatest ache My heart will ever know, This unpardonable sin. The love they grew in their garden, My childhood refuge, I have found nothing like it in this country. And I left it all behind, For what? Barely looking back. Hardly ever calling. I could have watched them grow older, Cared for them, Listened to their stories, Learned more deeply about love. Those possible pasts, Of never leaving, Or leaving but staying connected somehow, I have gone over time and time again. They fill me with prickly warmth Familiar yearning. But now... A horrible new possible past Was just uncovered for me. Some people never meet their grandparents at all.