179. Dear Friend (Myshkin, 2021) · free verse

Quirky misunderstood basketball players, accused Of taking a selfish shot or doing the wrong thing, Historically, take one last childish, hysterical step. They spend the rest of the game intentionally And conscientiously not shooting. At all. They Pass the ball, put more energy into other aspects Of the game, but grin inside at their coach’s confusion. That relationship usually does not end well, but hey, In the NBA everybody gets fired, or retires in decline. Like Gilbert Arenas and Boris Diaw, I am half amused And half bemused. I know my worth. I know what I bring To the team. Poetry, dancing, presence, connection, Support. And if I am less than perfect, blind spots in my Rear view mirror, well, fuck! What can I do?! You don’t Really know me, but you don’t really have to. We always Relate with the paper cutouts we make of each other. Thank you for inviting me to your abundance party. Really. I appreciate it. Do you also send projections and Vague instructions on how to behave to other guests, Or am I special? Useful feedback is actionable, specific, Kind and ideally consensual. You’re oh-for-four. (I’d give you half credit for trying to be kind, but Shots that roll around the rim and out don’t count.) So I’ll go with, you’re managing a minor festival, Tons to handle, so you do the best you can in one single Voice message, two minutes thirty-seven seconds long. Service. Being in service. I’m so ‘bout that life that I Ain’t even sweatin’ this one. There’s something else You’re probably talking about, something hard to express. “A vibe of scarcity or loneliness or desperation. Kind of An energy suck, a lot of talking, a lot of wishy-washiness.” Oof! Off the top rope. And of course, you’re not wrong. Straight-talking friends are rare. It’s what l love about you And your wife. I’m used to hearing shit talked about me Through the grapevine. So here we are, in this interesting Situation. I love interesting situations, even as I hate them, Simultaneously. I wish you dropped this on me a week ago, With time to talk about your reservations, or at least time For me to not plan my life around your party. Do I come And try to act like someone I’m not, to ask for clarity? Do I skip out, maybe stopping by to say hello, and move on To the abundance of the rest of my life, to Sedona To pick up my puppy, to the Everglades? Do I come out and Stop shooting? Wash more dishes? Do more yard work?